Be True to the REAL You!

Posted August 27, 2024

Wouldn’t it be intriguing to rewind time?

I’d love to go back and savor many times in my life. First grade. College. The year I got married. My children’s toddler years — and just a few blinks later, their weddings.

But do I want to relive middle school and early high school? Heck, no!

I still get the shivers thinking about the intense social pressure to fit in. To be cool. To be liked and accepted.

From the way we dressed, to the music we listened to, to the extracurricular activities we chose, we craved approval from others. And measured our self-worth accordingly.

And you know what? Many of us lost sight of who we were. The “act” was so real, we took it to BE real.

We slipped into a mold we were afraid to break. Even into adulthood, it shaped our experiences and opportunities in work, family, relationships and leisure.

There’s a hidden belief driving all of this: We must act or be a certain way to avoid rejection by other people. We hinge our social or professional acceptance on being liked by (or pleasing) everyone else.

Further, we pay a big cost. We don’t show up as the best versions of ourselves. We’re not inspired even to try — because it’s downright draining to be running around pleasing everyone all the time!

So, what happens? We don’t blossom into the unique individuals we are at our core. We miss opportunities. We play small and stick to a script.

Inspire Yourself by Being YOU!

Early in my leadership career, I tried to do things in ways that would keep everyone pleased — staff, management, clients, community partners, everyone! Within the company, I strived for complete consensus. It wasn’t enough to have everyone on board with my ideas; I wanted people to be happy about it, too!

But it wasn’t realistic. Or possible. And quite honestly, it took me some time to figure that out.

To be a strong leader, I had to trust my vision. My decisions. My actions. It was a bit scary at first, making that shift. But gradually I became more comfortable with knowing some people were not going to get what they wanted. They were going to be disappointed. And I could be okay with that.

If you’re constantly trying to make one person happy, you’ll inevitably disappoint another (including yourself). The next thing you know, you’re caught in an endless loop of exhausting people-pleasing.

In leadership, as in life, you’ll have to make decisions. Some people will approve; others won’t.

But when you act consistently, and in harmony with your authentic self, it’s a win-win! You build respect, trust and confidence in yourself. And you earn the respect, trust and confidence of others. In that order.

And this brings us right back to inspiration!

As you show up more often as the “real you”— even in situations where it’s hard — you feel a kind of internal resonance. You know you’re on the right track for yourself. And that feeling inspires you to keep going!

When you’re being true to the real you, the floodgates open to well-being and opportunity. For example:

You allow your real talents and passions to emerge. You have meaningful things to contribute, and you’re exited to share them. People start to notice, and opportunities arise.
You become more confident being your authentic self. Building on this solid foundation, you set the stage for both personal and professional growth. You feel proud of yourself!

You feel less stress because you reduce self-imposed pressure to act based on feelings of guilt or obligation.
You model authenticity. You show others it’s okay to be yourself. And it’s safe for them to be their real selves, too.
You cultivate stronger relationships. Being yourself takes courage and vulnerability. And it invites others to follow suit. This give-and-take builds trust.

Now that’s inspiring!

Power Challenge: Find More Ways to Be YOU!

Maybe you’re thinking: Sounds great! But be more me? Who am I anyway? How can I be more authentic in my day-to-day interactions?

Or, said differently: What would you change if you stopped worrying about others’ opinions or reactions? Or ditched your people-pleasing tendencies?

If you’ve been shaping yourself around other people for a long time, it’s possible you’ve lost touch with your true inner self. That’s okay. Please don’t beat yourself up about it.

Instead, be patient. You’re in there — I promise! Take the attitude that you’re going on a gentle discovery mission. To get started, try the following exercise.

First, consider the list below (I recommend you print it). For each item, ask yourself: In this area, am I strongly influenced by my desire to please others or by my fear of what they’d think? If yes, put a check next to it.

Decisions you make as a leader or manager
How you respond to invitations
How you spend your leisure time
Your dress (or your “look”)
Your home or office décor, and/or what car you drive
Whether you express or withhold your real thoughts and opinions
Whether you pretend you can afford more luxury than you actually can
How you use language to try to fit in with a group
Whether you reveal or hide your true likes and dislikes (music, movies, fashion, favorite activities, etc.)

Next, pick just one of your checked areas. Brainstorm a bit: What are one or two small, gentle ways you could try being more authentic in this area? For example:

In terms of your dress style, you could choose to wear a piece of jewelry you love, but typically never wear.
With invitations, you could politely decline one — rather than attending out of obligation.
Thinking about your likes and dislikes, you could get up your courage to share with friends how much you actually love to watch documentaries about serial killers. (Hey, no judgment!)

Now that you’ve brainstormed a bit, pick just one of those small changes to try. You might feel a bit nervous about it, but don’t pick something that scares you so much you won’t try anything at all!

Notice what happens when you make this small change. Do you feel more connected to yourself? Did the world end like you thought it would? Was someone disappointed — and could you be okay with that?

Bit by bit, continue making small changes. Each success will make you more confident for the next time. And be sure to thank yourself each time you choose YOU!

Look Within to Find Inspiration

I’m often touched by beauty in nature, a powerful quote, and stories about how others overcame challenges, to name a few. These are all external sources of inspiration for me. Maybe they are for you, too.

But inspiration also lies within us. We can harness it by being authentic.

If you’re looking for ways to boost your energy and motivation, start by recognizing the true you. Respect the person you are. Celebrate you. BE you!

Looking for a motivational speaker for your next event? Carla energizes and inspires attendees to be the best version of themselves that they can be. Contact her today.